We Are Not What We Do
We are not what we do. Yet, it’s often the first question people ask: “What do you do?” For many, especially in midlife, this question can feel limiting, reducing the complexity of our identities to a single facet of our lives. As we grow, we start sensing a widening gap between what we do and who we are — or more specifically, who we are becoming.
For founders and entrepreneurs, this dissonance can be particularly intense. Building and scaling a business requires immense commitment, and over time, the lines between our personal identity and professional role blur. The success or failure of the business can become intertwined with how we view ourselves. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that the business’s fate is a direct reflection of our own value. For founders, the relentless pressures of running a business can often obscure this inner journey of self-discovery. When external success takes precedence, there’s little time to reflect on who we are beneath the surface.
This fusion of identity with profession presents several challenges:
- Burnout: Over-identification with work makes it hard to disconnect, leading to emotional and physical exhaustion.
- Tunnel vision: A singular focus on the business can overshadow other aspects of life, impacting personal wellbeing, personal growth, and relationships that may exist beyond the narrow realm of the business.
- Lack of emotional resilience: When business setbacks occur, they can feel like personal failures, impacting self-worth and emotional well-being.
So, what can be done to counter these challenges?
Cultivating self-awareness is a great place to start and can often be aided by involving therapist, coach or close friends and acquaintances. I like to journal each morning. No more than 15–20 mins, much of it nonsense, but helpful in finding myself in the hubbub of business building. Recognising that the business is an expression of who you are — but not the totality — allows you to create an emotional distance between yourself and the company’s outcomes.
Setting intentional boundaries between personal and professional life is essential. Being in a moment of transition myself, I have noticed how easily work can creep into every part of my house and into every interaction — it is rarely not on my mind. I try hard to limit work hours, spent time on my bike, or take time to invest in relationships outside of work. Delegation, even with my very small team, is also crucial; letting go of control and trusting others to share responsibility can create more space for stuff that is not the business.
It is important to recognise that evolution is part of the process. While the business may be the passion today, it doesn’t have to define the individual forever. By staying open to change and new opportunities, founders can explore different roles and interests as they continue their personal journey.
Ultimately, the question we should be asking ourselves isn’t just “What do I do?” but “Who am I becoming?” or perhaps “Who am I becoming through the work?”. In this shift from doing to becoming, there’s a liberating clarity: the understanding that we are more than the roles we inhabit and the businesses we build. By making this distinction, founders can lead more balanced, meaningful and fulfilling lives which pay attention to both personal growth and professional achievement, without letting one overshadow the other.
